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  • Posted by mr anonimous evil 4 years ago. There are 20 posts. The latest reply is from X.
  1. chapter 1, project MAE,origin
    The hazy atmoshpere covered the blindingly white room, the two coloures clashed and made a evil, grey,smoke.
    "my creation... IT LIVES!" a darkened figure stood in front of me, where am I, who was this man, and most importently, what am I? i held up my hand, i was silver, i saw cogs spinning inside me, am I a... machine? The haze cleared, the man wore dark green robes, this left eye was black: though his right was red. My vision was blurred, though i could see the black clad men standing behind him, each held a weapon that seemed... advanced. Why where they here? Were they protection for this man? Was he maybe: important?

  2. it is how i was made... BUT! anyhow! how do you like it!

  3. Yeah! Write some more, who is this guy?

  4. he's me!

  5. *rolls eyes* silly mae, who is the guy in the green cloak with different colour eyes.

  6. you'll see

  7. @MAE- Sorry to be negative, but try typing this up in Word and copying and pasting over, that way it'll correct the Grammatical and spelling mistakes you have in there. Also, remember your capitals, otherwise it'll be fine.

    This man spoke... why could'nt I speek? This man examined me
    "you are perfect! like your brother!" He had a smirk on his aged face and his hair spiked downwards. But what did he mean... BROTHER, suddenly my mind raced, i knew what it meant, but i could not see a brother? Why?
    "hello there, brother" I turned my head to the right, though it was hard as i was strapped to a chair. This so called BROTHER winked, he had green hair, though he did not have metalic skin, his was pale, like the man in green, he wore a black fur coat.
    "now, my creation! you cannot speak yet can you" the strange human gripped a needle from a table, which was across to me, he pressed a small button on the needle. A blue metalic liquid dripped onto my cold silver skin, it didnt hurt
    "who...am: I" i struggled to speek, they were my first words...

  9. tora,capitals arnt really my problem at the momento, i'll finish the great tale of my life, then edit.

  10. so... how do you like my life, not the punctuation

  11. Story: great, ACE, well done there.
    Spelling: *cringe* for someone who won a chocolate bar for their excellent book review, which I had to read out
    to the whole lower school, that was cringeworthy. Correct the spelling, and you will have me addicted.

  12. next part! i'm on a roll!
    "finaly i can forfill my destiny, those vestrels dont understand my over average inteligence" the man in green talked to himself. Who were vestrels?
    "his name is takeshi" my 'brother' stated
    "what are vestrels?" I asked him, he seemed nice
    "he dispises vestrels, it seems that he used to be a vestrel scientist, but he went 'cuckoo' he kept on talking of super soldier projects, basicaly, US. I am MAD, mr anonimous devil, my real name is croactia. MAD is my codename." Takeshi sighed, he looked scared, but why, BOOM! a sudden explosion shook the door, what was it?

  13. Cool

  14. 7 soldiers ran through the now shattered door, they held rifles, they dispatched the black clad men with ease. Takeshi smiled, i would of thought he should be more scared but then, he comanded croacia to attack them, he moved at lightning speed, croacia, he didnt LOOK like he wanted to do this, he pickedd up a katana in his sonic speed state, the katana sliced through the 7 soldiers.
    "good, he works" the green man said with a smug look on his face, but why? was he HAPPY that his creation was perfect for murder, whats so great about that?

  15. Good going MAE... bringin' in the morals I see

  16. indeed, next part soon!

  17. Great plot, the amount of description is brilliant, you have a good volcabulary and I like your style. But your capitalisation, spelling and punctuation? I don't want to be mean or anything but that's pretty basic stuff and it would be better if you could improve it. It would enhance the overall enjoyment of reading it and that would get you more readers. I'm not saying fix it all immediately but if you try and improve it gradually everyone will appreciate it.

  18. oopsy daisy, i know bout the punctuation, but i'll fix that when its time for editing

  19. glitch

  20. anywho, lets continue

    the man stood in front of a blackboard, he had a stick which he was sing to point at a map with a picture of a planet on it, "the assult on vestroia is the reason you were made was for war, you will be acompanied by 100000000 soldiers and me. While the main force seige vestroia you and I in full ninja battle armour will break the external defences and attack the kings throneroom" the mans eyes darkened "they rejected my plans and abandoned me, THEY SHALL PAY!" i frowned, croactia was sharpening his sword, and sighed. "Exuse me, but why are you attacking vestroia" i said in fear "hm, i shall explain"

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